well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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