On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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