Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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