If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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