Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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