when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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