This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
