If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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