What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
