just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
