after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
