My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
