Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
