Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
