I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
