Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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