she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
