Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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