so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
