I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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