A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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