At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
