Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
