so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
