i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
