Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
