god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
