plz talk dirty to me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
