My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
