i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
