I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
