Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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