I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
