I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
