Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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