No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
