Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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