Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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