Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
