3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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