i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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