I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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