the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
