I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
