Girls should come with a carfax report
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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