don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
