Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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