Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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