this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
