Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
