I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
