i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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