I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
