where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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