Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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