she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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