Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
