He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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