So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
