just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
