Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
