Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
