If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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