I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
