i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
