Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
