Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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