that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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