i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
