I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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