just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you had me at cake vodka
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
