we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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