if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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