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How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
