I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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