i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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