where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
