Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't deserve a penis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
