My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
